I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
