I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
