my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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