Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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