my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
