R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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