A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
