anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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