Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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