do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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