You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
