i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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