piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
