Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
