I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
