toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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