I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
