He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
