yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
