they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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