My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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