And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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