He is an equal opportunity slut.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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