The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize