I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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