tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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