3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You may now shotgun with the bride
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
