she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
