I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
