Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
