I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
