I got chris browned last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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