since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
