after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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