god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
pray to the hookup gods
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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