At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
