We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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