saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
