if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
