is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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