Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
