I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
