you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
