Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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