This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
