you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
