I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
