dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
