you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
