Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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